As my fears take over

Yell at me
Know that i am in pain
You played a game over the years
The game is over but you are still playing
Why use my fears against me
Why not be an adult
We have a child together but your lies have caused pain that won't heal over night
I want the best for my little girl
You need to be a man

well it is not a poem but it is bits and pieces from the book I am working on

This is for all those who never stop believing that a person can get out of a bad place and make their life better. Also this is for all the mothers that don’t give up on being the best mom they can be.

 

Intro

Cathy was short for a woman but not too short, she at times still needed help getting things off the top shelf’s at stores though. She was not the best at what she did but did try hard and it didn’t help that she had nice girl syndrome. She would give all she could and then some without thinking about herself going without something, even if it made it hard to pay a bill she would still give away that last little bit she had.

She was a city gal that found herself going through another round of what should I do play it safe or should I go with my heart.  She is 32 and she is a single mother of three kids. She has not had it easy as a parent but she is a fighter and won’t give up. She is overweight but she doesn’t look like she weighs as much as she does. She has tattoos but they are easily covered.

This is her story and some is not so nice and then other parts are dream like. She used to think that life was always full of joy and happiness till one night when she was a little girl not more than seven, she got woken up to the sounds of her step- father yelling at her mother. Her being who she is even then, she went into the kitchen and got into the middle of the fight and from that day on she knew that was her step-father’s scapegoat.

Things start to spin out of control.

Jr High School was not Cat’s favorite place to say the least. Six grade had come so fast and she was not ready for it.

It was the day to pick up her class list and go look where the classes are. When she got to the front of the line and said her name she was told that she would have to wait till the first day of school they had not got to her yet on putting together her class list. So she went home and waited that week doing what she always did just read and hang out in the courtyard of the apartments where her family lived. She was getting ready for her birthday the following month the Jr High School she was going to was the only one in her area that way year around and then on top of it the whole school was on the some track which was C track. So school was starting in July, then off August, then they go September, October, and November, off December, then go January, February, March, off April, and go May and the first two weeks of June.

dreams

we all have far out dreams,
dreams that will never come true,
dreams that we make come true,
dreams that we pray come true,
dreams that we have for our children,
dreams that we have for ourselves,
dreams dreams dreams so many dreams,
we all have dreams

Mask

As I walk in the door ,
The smile goes away,
I take off the mask that I put on
In my house I don’t have to wear it
My true feelings show and the sadness becomes to much.
Lucky no one can see me.
The pain I am feeling,
Hurt that will never go away.
The dark sad eyes that the make-up covers,
A lost child in inside that wants to be freed
As far as the world knows everything is fine
I am the one that’s knows what really is happening
My feelings are over coming everything else and no one can stop it.
Well at lest tomorrow the mask comes back on.
I am a broken person that can’t be fix .

my mind

My Mind
so much in my mind
so much going on
so much making me cry
so much pain and anger in my mind
so much that I want to say but can not
wish I had some one to talk to that I could say all to
why does so much happen at once
why does my mind hurt so much
too too much inside my mind

My Daughter

My Daughter
To Dan and my little girl

We made a life together,

She is part you and me,

Forty weeks I carried her inside of me,

The time went slow,

The day she was born was a happy day,

Holding our little girl in my arms,

For the first time,

All the pain and waiting forgotten,

Her dark eyes looking at me,

Not waiting to let her go,

Now she is five months old,

The time is going fast now,

She has grown fast,

She is and always will be my daughter,

I love you my little girl.